Hi guys, it’s time for another trip down Asian-surrealism Road with our good friend, Connor.
FYI: this was the first review i wanted to do, but got sidetracked along the way.
a little backstory-
because a review isnt just a review, it should be a long winded tale of why your opinion is as it is: i had plans to probably write more frequently for this site over the last few months (waaaaaaaay back in the day i came up with an idea of a materialised newspaper form of this existing called ‘southmouth’ to bridge the southampton/portsmouth divide for lewis and ben).
i wrote about planet terror and then planned to write a review for the movie ‘paris, texas’ (which is just too hard for me) and from then on wouldve only written about things which are two words long, and start with ‘p—-‘ and ‘t—-‘ (‘planet terror’, ‘paris, texas’…. pop tarts…. pony tails…. pear trees…. etc) buuuut it was summer in australia so i didnt do any of that. however its ‘cold’ here now (about 20 degrees) so, back to reviews.
since im an advocate of stream-of-consciousness-write-down-whatevers-in-your-head type stuff, my reviews tend to not quite… review, but elucidate on things. but due to lewis and his bad editing (apathy) im bringing spontaneous prose back one review at a time — removing all the grammatical and syntactical boundaries and saving the world.
so from now on ill probably be writing about weird movies. and i mean weird. weird and all its other synonyms. i am after all (along with lewis) the co-author of a lost segment of a movie about a giant phallic octopus molesting civilians (Ahem, for the record, I didn’t want to include that bit- Lewis). and also the co-author of a tv pilot whereby a baseball coach is arrested for beating up the kids of his disabled little league team, and is then assigned community service to coach the very same disabled little league team. we may even know the true story behind teddy roosevelts ‘bullmoose’ caption.
to summarise: surrealism (or stupidity) is well within the confines of my comfort zone.
that aside, review time!!!!!!!!! (so pumped) #GetKeenOrGoHome
HAUSU. its japanese for ‘house’.
its a horror movie. i dont know if id actually believe that, just because its SO weird that youre too busy being stunned by insanity to even see the horror in it.
it was made in 78. the ‘horror’ genre had only properly kicked in with ‘night of the living dead’ a decade ago, so the genre still had room for creativity. i guess in some ways paranormal activity is kind of a rehash of hausu.
it starts off with one of the girls saying how she doesnt particularly like her fathers new girlfriend. is it important? who knows. subplots are expendable to me. then it moves into the zone of a 1960s childrens show. dont ask why. i was more into the LSD shows of the 60s than anything else when i was growing up (‘HR Puffnstuff’ being the main) so there was some odd nostalgia taking place.
it reminded me of ‘rainbow’ so much so that i thought at any time i would hear ‘paint the whole world wiiith a RAINBOW’ because for some reason theres jovial music, painted backdrops some slapstick and… basically its the worst start to a horror movie ever, and couldve comfortable segued into a ‘lets learn japanese’ show for kids. i tend to take screenshots of weird scenes in movies –and have– but you really have to watch this entire thing to understand its scope in surrealism.
what we have here is a stereotypical japanese movie: strange. so theres a bunch of girls, and they have names that explain their attributes — kungfu, gorgeous… various other names. and theyre all planning on going to gorgeous’ aunts house for a holiday. this is where the ‘horror’ kicks in.
but to be honest, i dont feel like explaining the whole movie. the movies called ‘house’, and if i tell you this: the house starts killing off all the girls… that pretty much summises the entire plot of the movie.
but does it?
well…. yes. that is precisely what happens in the movie. however, ignoring the very basic plot, this movie is absolute visual carnage non stop.
so, rather than me telling you what happens, ill just say a few standout things:
theres a watermelon salesman who for no reason whatsoever turns into a cartoon skeleton.
it has ‘huge lips’.
a fairly high number of deaths and then some very childishsubtitles to end the movie.
i essentially cant review this movie because although it makes perfect sense in terms of linear narrative, i cant make head or tail of it. ive wanted to write this for something like 4 months now, but i dont think i could ever do it properly.
theres special effects that are just… awful. but in a good way. at the same time, i think theyre pretty advanced for the 1970s — i think. they look like the graphics of the old ‘art attack’ episodes. maybe a little like the first ‘tron’ movie. they also look kinda like someone cut pictures out of newspapers and glued them on the screen. its sorta almost a jackson pollock painting in movie form. its just madness.
and so, without reviewing the movie in any sense whatsoever, i will say this: its one of my favourite movies. it has been for a long time.
get some friends. get all your friends. get people you dont even know. get in a room. get a projector. put this on.